Lost In Reading

I just finished reading the play Translation. I think the only thing that I can really say at the moment is not G-rated, but I will try. WHAT THE HECKKKK??? I hated it. I didn't like it at all. Not one bit. I think I will have to read it again later, maybe I missed something. But that is not how I wanted it to end AT ALL. Maybe I missed a page, but what happened to Yoland? He left...but then the British Army was sent to look for him? Why in the world?

I hope the next time I blog I understand what happened.

Please, if you understood it better than me, help a sister out. Tell me why this happened!

What Do You Believe?__ Grits

Today, instead of doing homework, I did what I normally do, Facebook creep, over check my class blog (yes I know I am kind of a nerd), and I organized my iTunes play list. Somehow, the culmination of this brought me back to a song that I listened to when I was in middle school. The song is called "Believe" it is by a Christian hip-hop group named Grits. The song basically talks about how everyone needs something to believe in and then it asks the pivotal question, both for us and for Omishto, 'What do you believe". I just wanted to share it with everyone...I hope you enjoy :)

Believe Ft. Jennifer Knapp

everybody needs something to see
something to feel
and something to be
everybody needs something as proof
something in hand
to know the truth

livin lavish like the biltmore
what the blood spilt for
a ship in harbor safe
but that aint what its built for
do all i can to help you get more
if you forgive my slight intrusion
i see this night is confusin
a constant fight with illusions
shed a light on conclusions
what you desire is a way out
day in and day out
do not disturb signs so i’ll stay out
how long will you let the torture grasp you
i see spirits manifestin
blockin blessings with the questions
that you hear me ask you

keep it up so muchwill pass you
you can make it on a prayer
yeah that’s true
but barely getting by when you can do more
why would you want to
forgettin’ that the wood’s dry and the fires on you
lifes a hastle
be prepared to rastle
it can be rough
but it don’t have to
you can make it full of smiles
something to laugh to
so pick and chose my message thick
so squeeze and watch it ooze
make it a game to where your fears lose
lets go

theres a way that seems right
in the heart of a man
and many angels of light
in disguise destroying man
so most chose to refuse
replace it with lies
use ignorance as an excuse
it’s hard to conceive
what the mind can’t comprehend
and harder to believe
what the eyes cant understand
we look to theory philosophy and thought
for a sure foundation
in a belief we once sought
while the shadow of truth
cast an image so clear
the closer it gets

we reject it out of fear
if we really wanted truth
we would give our lives for it
walk in its direction of light
for gods glory
so the saga continues
cause most hearts are deceived
if we really wanted truth
we would live and believe
still the saga continues
cause most hearts are deceived
if we really wanted truth
we would live and believe in it

the absolute truth

The Eye of the Storm

I've been reading the novel Power by Linda Hogan. At first it was really slow moving but now I am hooked and can't stop reading. At one point in the novel Omishto, the protagonist, begins describing a storm. As I was reading it I immediately thought of when your parents get mad at you. I don't know why I thought of this, but I think it is because her relationship with her parents plays such a crucial role in the book. She frequently describes and defines herself through her relationship with her mom. One of the most moving quotes that I found was when Omishto described one of the main reasons why she liked Ama. It was when Ama said, "You're nothing like her [Omishto's mother] at all." Omishto then said that is was why she liked Ama. Omishto didn't want to be correlated to her mother or any of her family, for that matter.

But back to the eye of the storm. I think that due to Omishto's turbulent family lifestyle when she began describing the eye of the storm I immediatley thought of when parents get angry. Omishto described a storm to follow, afterwards I will show how it relates to a parents anger.

"That heavy moment of silence dark gray with weight. It is dead still as if I am in a clear eye of destruction, a calm heart dressed in a skin of fury, but it's not even the eye of the storm, it's the silence before it hits, the time it takes to infale, to gether itself. I have time, I hope, in this clear space, to make it back to Ama, as if she holds safety in her skin, as if the house will hold me safe even though it's dying and rotting away"

"heavy moment of silence dark gray with weight"= The time just after you break the news to your parents, "I just rear ended a car...it was my fault I was texting."

"dead still as if I am in a clear eye of destruction"= the look your parents give you when they hear this then the inital rash decision, "I am taking away your car for the rest of your life"

"a calm hear dressed in a skin of fury...not even the eye of the storm"= because they have just heard this information they become silent after their initial response. they then begin rethinking things, consequences, punishments, what is appropriate and what is not.

"I hope...the house will hold me safe even though it's dying and rotting away"= Our last ditch attempt to get us out of trouble a quick "But I was texting you to tell you I was on my way home" the guilt, 'it-was-your-fault-so-you-have-to-take-some-of-the-blame' reverse psychology that never works on parents.

**Situation purely hypothetical and in no way meant to be real-life, non-fiction

The Importance of a Name

In the last section of reading of the book Lucy, Lucy began to talk about her discontent with that she felt with her name. She felt that her name had no substance and that it was picked with no real meaning attached. Because of this she decided that she would try to call herself different names she said, "I called myself other names: Emily, Charlotte, Jane. They were names of the authoresses whose books I loved." After reading this I was brought back to the idea that Jamaica, the author of Lucy, had also changed her name and that this book was based loosely off of her life. I then began to wonder, how much of this book is actually a true life account? I guess that I could assume that many of the big things that took place in Lucy's life could have taken place in Jamaica's which caused her to want to write about them.
I then was also thinking that Jamaica's real name was Elaine Potter Richardson, the main character's name was Lucy Josephine Potter. They even shared a name, "Potter". Thinking about this I think that Jamaica must have had a deeper connection with the idea of "Potter" being a slave owners name. I wish that I could ask her many of the questions that I am thinking about.

Another thing that I also thought about when I read this passage was how there are so many other authors that have pen names when they write.

• Samuel Clemens--Mark Twain
• Richard Bachman--Stephen King
• Charles Lutwidge Dodgson--Lewis Carroll
• Theodore Suess Giesel--Dr. Suess

Do you think that giving yourself another name would allow you to write with a more unabashed style? Would you censor yourself as much if you were able to hide behind a name? I wonder these things both about myself, you, and Jamaica Kincaid. Because she wrote with a different name, did she feel as she was writing this that she could write more openly?

My Life?

As I was reading Lucy today after every page I wondered, does Jamaica Kincaid know my life? It seemed that almost everything she said had some relation to me. Reading through the couple of chapters we had to for class I was constantly thinking, "wow, that totally goes with my life".

Some of the most disheartening times that this happened included when Lucy struggled with her feelings with her mother. "I was not like my mother-I was my mother" This rang so true with me. There are so many days that I go through the day saying that I will never become like my mother. There are so many things that I dislike about her but then at the end of the day I realize that as much as I try not to be like her I am like my mom in so many ways. My mother is always the maternal figure for many people, at work she has so many "adopted" children. She is always willing to help people who are struggling it almost becomes a fault. These things about her I often times get frustrated but in the end I realize that I am exactly the same. I am willing to give everything to everyone with almost nothing in return. And the most frustrating thing is that I do it again and again, which I have seen my mother do more than once.

I felt what Lucy felt when she struggled with this emotional battle. Trying to become your own self only knowing that you are going to become something that you have fought to be.

After this emotional battle I was SHOCKED when Maude came and told Lucy about her dad. Then I wanted to cry when Lucy explained what happened "My father had died...Though for a long time he had suffered from a weak heart, still it was unexpected...My father died leaving my mother a pauper" Those few sentences were my life. Kincaid had summed up my life in just a few short sentences. My dad had struggled with heart disease for a couple of years, but being optimistic lead me to believe that nothing would ever happen to him. He would always be strong and never get sick. Then when my dad did die it was extremely unexpected. I never thought that he would be gone. Then shortly after he passed away my mom and I realized that he had not kept up on his life insurance. My mom was then forced to take on some of his bills with no help from his life insurance policy. Because of my own emotional struggle I felt what Lucy was going through more than I had ever wished to. At the moment I read that I wished I could just reach through and give her a hug and tell her that everything was going to be okay.

The new and the old

"I was reminded of how uncomfortable the new can make you feel" Lucy pg. 4. I think this is so true. The biggest situation I can remember is going into college. I was so excited to leave high school, to make new friends, to be in the marching band, but I hadn't really given much thought to the idea of being uncomfortable. Then the day came that I was fully immersed into college life. It was the first day of band camp and I knew NO ONE.

Going into band I was incredibly insured that I would be able to start over fresh. I could become anyone or anything that I wanted to be. I was no longer going to have to play up the role that I had become from elementary school to high school. I could be the "cool" kid now...Then I walked into the band building and I was petrified. I knew NO ONE and it was no longer a nice thing. The new was horrifying and I just wanted to go back to high school band where I knew everyone and they knew me. It was then that I, like Lucy, was reminded of how uncomfortable the new can make you feel.

Unresolved?

I've been walking around the past few days mulling over in my head a major idea that we talked about in class. The idea that Lahiri's short story was unresolved. Although I feel that everyone's arguments as to why Lahiri's story was unresolved were valid, I never felt that way until I went into class. I thought the ending was nearly perfect and that there was an amazing resolution at the end. I felt like the whole story was an observation of Sanjeev's feelings for Twinkle. He was trying to sort out why exactly he married her and in the end he realized that although she did so many things that irritated him he loved her for them.

"It was the same pang he used to feel before they were married, when he would hang up the phone after one of their conversations, or when he would drive back from the airport, wondering which ascending plane in the sky was hers"

I loved the story to say the least. It might be my romantization of love and marriage, but I think that Sanjeev and Twinkle's relationship is perfect. Although they often got on eachothers nerves, at the end of the day they realized that there was nobody else better for them.